Look Beyond Behaviour: Understanding the Story Beneath

 

In the bustling corridors of life, it’s easy to react to what’s on the surface—a sharp tone, an angry gesture, or a withdrawn demeanor. But what if we paused to look beyond behaviour? Often, there’s a deeper story waiting to be understood.

Take, for instance, the story of Sarah, a young woman who recently joined a new workplace. Sarah often seemed curt and dismissive during team meetings, frustrating her colleagues. “She’s impossible to work with,” one of her teammates lamented. Yet, when her manager, Karen, decided to have a heart-to-heart conversation with Sarah, the truth emerged. Sarah had been battling crippling anxiety about her performance and felt overwhelmed by the pressure to prove herself. Karen’s empathy and willingness to look beyond the behaviour transformed Sarah’s experience. With guidance and support, Sarah’s confidence grew, and so did her ability to collaborate effectively with her team.

As Dr. Brené Brown once said, “People are hard to hate close up. Move in.” When we take the time to understand what’s driving someone’s actions, our perspective shifts from judgment to compassion.

Children, too, offer us daily opportunities to practice this principle. Imagine a six-year-old named Liam who throws a tantrum every morning before school. His parents initially thought he was being stubborn, but when they looked deeper, they discovered he was being bullied on the playground. Addressing the root cause—not just the behaviour—allowed Liam’s parents to support him in overcoming his fear and rebuilding his sense of safety.

How to Look Beyond Behaviour

1. Pause Before Reacting: Take a moment to breathe and consider why someone might be acting out. Often, behaviour is a symptom, not the root cause.

2. Ask Questions: A simple “How are you feeling?” or “Is something bothering you?” can open the door to understanding.

3. Practice Empathy: Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What might they be experiencing?

4. Be Patient: Change takes time, and trust needs to be built. Your willingness to look beyond behaviour can create a safe space for someone to share their truth.

Real Connection Starts Here

When we choose to look beyond behaviour, we affirm our shared humanity. Instead of labeling someone as “dramatic,” “difficult,” or “disengaged,” we open ourselves to deeper connection and mutual growth.

“Behaviour is the language of unmet needs,” says psychologist Dr. Ross Greene. Whether it’s in our families, workplaces, or communities, taking the time to uncover these needs strengthens our bonds and fosters understanding.

Sarah’s transformation at work and Liam’s journey at school remind us of the power of compassion. Let’s commit to looking beyond behaviour—to see the story beneath and, in doing so, help others rise.